Just Bought The Cutest Dress...

It's FABULOUS!

I was with Susan at Crossroads on Broadway and I decided to go back after she'd left [and I'd picked up some money sent from my parents! THANKS PARENTALS!] and see if I couldn't find a dress for tonight. AND I DID! Yayaya!

And in keeping with the resolving spirit that swoops down at this time of year...

I want '09 to be a little bit the same, more fabulous, and [if at all possible], more fun! I want to enjoy every moment that I encounter in this coming year. My plan is to be singing my little heart out as the clock strikes midnight! There's a sense of hope and excitement sizzling in the air. I can feel that this year will bring about new change, new hope, exciting new things, new love...all kinds of greatness. Yes, there will be down and out moments- but that's what makes life more beautiful and fulfilling.

I'm so pumped about 2009. You better believe it. And I hope you feel the same way.

And if you're bored at home tonight, come to the Emigrant in the UDistrict. It's gonna be off the hook...hopefully. lol

2008 In Review...

So the year is coming to an end, and while I'm happy about it, I am a bit sad too. This year has been a wild ride. Woo! Loads of things have gone so terribly wrong, but so much has also gone so beautifully right. Life is good. Really. I. AM. BLESSED.

I'm not exactly sure where I'll be and what I'll be doing when the clock strikes midnight. There's some comfort in knowing that I don't have the pressure on me, but definitely some panic. Who will I share a midnight hug with? My kiss has already been determined and since that won't happen right at midnight [more like 3am]...eeek! I want to have plans because otherwise, I'll be alone. Don't get me wrong, that's not necessarily a bad thing...

I'm moving on Tuesday! THANK GOD! I'm so glad I don't have to put up with this for much longer. The end is in sight..thank you Jesus! I am sad to leave the other roommates that I get along with. *sniff*, but excited to be away from mr. debbie downer. Psst- saddest thing ever- He was playing guitar and singing some sad love song in his room. Well he was drunk so it was more like wailing off pitch. But HECK YES for being back on the hill. I'm so excited. Everyone needs to visit.

Hmm. Yea...so far, that's it. I'm gonna go pass out now. It's 2am...well past my bed time. My internal clock is ticking LOUDLY in my ear. lol. good night my lovelies.

Merry Christmas Baby

i love that first thing in the morning, he thought to call me and wish me a merry christmas.

*le sigh*

it's so stupid. so simple. so whatever-lot's of people do that. but really, it means the world to me that i was one of those people to get the first christmas wish. if not the very first, at least the top 3. lol.

so what do i do in return? i sing to him.

hahaha.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus

Merry Christmas everyone!!

For some gawd-awful reason I volunteered to work today. lol. Actually, it was more like this: since I'm not going home and the only Christmas-y plans I have are with Reshard's family at like 3pm...why not?! Apparently, tips are well worth it and really, who am I to turn down free money?! lol.

[slight interjection- the douchebag that I live with just called me to complain that Princess is barking in my room. sorry jerkoff- I'm at WORK. you know that thing you DON'T HAVE-a J-O-B. Get a clue and stop calling me. freal...I seriously can't move soon enough]

Yesterday had me all kinds of lonely. After work, I went home and cooked dinner and watched tv. I washed my hair [which, I'm kinda regretting now because I didn't really have the time or energy to really get it blown out last night so it's a big puff] and went to bed around midnight. Not gonna lie, it was very very lonely. I did hear from some good people so that made the night less of a bore and Princess did cuddle with me most of the night so I had my cuddlebuddy.

I'm just kinda ready for the holidays to be over. lol- is that bad? Not that I don't enjoy Christmas, it's my favorite holiday actually. It's just that I didn't do ANYTHING for Christmas this year. Not-a-thing. So it doesn't even really feel like it to me. I guess you could say I feel "excluded"...hmm. Whatever.

I REALLY just want the snow and wintery-chill to disperse and be GONE! Where's my summer? *sniff*

In any case, I wish everyone a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS! Thank the Lord for those you have and the life you lead, even if it's not perfect- you're still here, yk? Let's remember the reason for the season, yea?

Merry Chrismahanakwazakuh y'all!

Decembrrrrrrrr

I am not happy about the potential of being snowed in for tomorrow. It's my day off. I want to go to church. I want to spend time with my friends and family. I want to be settling into my new place. I want to play with my puppy. I want to cuddle with him. But alas...

I might be snowed in.

I'm leaving work early right now so that I can get home without any worry. And that's where I'm going. But I'm making a stop at the grocery store so that I can have groceries and things to eat in case I can't leave the house tomorrow.

blegh. stupid winter...

Snooooowed Innnnnnnnnnnn... *sad face*

I hate winter.

Today was a snow day and all it made me want to do was cuddle up and get cozy with someone I care about. Sadly, that didn't happen. But really, I was just glad that so&so was at home safe rather than out on those crazy roads. I ended up staying in alllllllll day because Metro drivers are too scared to drive. And what did I do? Ab-so-lutely nothing productive. I ate a lot of food [mostly salad and peanut butter ritz bits] and watched re-runs of Law & Order and then Arrested Development Season 1 on DVD.

And tell me why my stupey stupey roommate [the one who owns the house] decides that if he's lonely, the OTHER roommates have to hang out with him?! Like, SORRY DUDE- if we're watching something, we don't want to watch YOUR stuff. For example: we're all up in AD and he's like, let's watch the Howard Stern movie. Well we relented after a few episodes and watched it. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the movie a little bit, but it was the principle of it, yk? And then he was trying to get me to go e-braking in the snow outside. I'm sorry, but you've been drinking and smoking all day- I'm not getting in the car with you! So stop asking. And when they came back, my other roomie [Andrew] and I started playing Wii, but he was desperately trying to get us to go to a bar. Tell me, why would we wanna go when you're insulting us? He insulted Andrew's musical choices [he's into experimental music that can't really be done at the open mic session he wanted us to go to] and the fact that he's gay. And he was calling me a pussy and a wimp because I didn't want to go out. And telling me to expand my horizons. Sorry I'm not into doing things that don't bring me joy. I've tried a lot of things and know exactly what makes me happy and what doesn't, so I avoid those things that irritate me. Whatever.

Seriously, I can't get out of here fast enough. I wish the weather would just cooperate for me to get my things and get the heck on! I guess he is kicking another person out with no real reason. I guess he said it was because the guy was unhappy here, which was a total shocker to hear. I'm pretty sure he's gonna kick the new guy out too [Andrew] because he just found out he was gay and he totally didn't like it. The guy is a total douche. He screws people over and has no remorse for it.

And my ranting is ov-urrrrr/

Falling In Love With Love Is Falling For Make-Believe...

I've been fighting so hard lately to avoid falling hard. But the truth of the matter is that I LOVE HIM. It's so hard. I want to run away so badly. I know this can only end with me having my already fragile heart crushed. Even if one day it all works out in the end, I will still have to endure the fact that love is soo not in the cards right now. No matter how much I want it right now- he doesn't want it right now.

Last night he visited me at work. Something so small and trivial, but it really meant the world to me. I didn't think he'd actually come by as he was very non-committal about it when I suggested it earlier. But I was cleaning and trying to not die from boredom and I hear the door open. I look back and I think he was trying to surprise me because he was sorta slinking behind the condiment bar and christmas tree. As soon as I recognized who he was, I felt my heart fill up with joy. I swear I fell in love with him in that moment.

Make it stop. I was waiting on the bus this morning and I started writing a love song on the fly. Of course, it was about him- and I started crying! You've got to be kidding me, right? Me being in love is a crazy crazy thing. I get all emotional and mushy and stuff. It's so not cool.

If I had my way, things would be awesome. I'd either stop loving him or we'd be together. I'll take either one at this point. It's so hard spending time with him knowing I can only have a little bit of him and he gets all of me.

*waaaah* lol

What to do, What to do...

What do you do when the man you're hopelessly falling for tells you that he doesn't want to get too close because of what has happened in his past?

*le sigh*