Breakfast for Dinner

My dinner date last night was amazing. He made blueberry pancakes [with REAL BLUEBERRIES!], turkey bacon, and eggs. I smeared my pancake with peanut butter [something I'd never tried before] and it was DELISH! I absolutely love breakfast for dinner, so I was happy as a clam!



I should start from the beginning. After stopping at the grocery store to buy the necessary ingredients, we went to his building and parked in the garage. I did a SPECTACULAR job of parking my GI-NORMOUS vehicle in the tiny garage and we went up to his apartment. Just as I imagined- TOTAL BACH PAD, but it did have some feminine touches. For example- his bedding. It was straight out of a catalog complete with unnecessary pillow-age. His book case was amazingly gorgeous and filled with all types of interesting things. Yadayadayada..moving on.

He set the groceries down and turned on music. In all perfectness- it was jazz. Slow, easy, put-you-in-the-mood jazz. Talk about movie magic, huh? He then set about preparing dinner [breakfast] while I gazed at the book collection and read a newspaper article on art in Manhattan. Of course, a lot more happened. A lot more that I'd like to share, but a girl needs to keep special details to herself sometimes, so that is what I will do.

In any case, I like this guy a lot. Really. He definitely appeals to the artist in me and the other small part that loves pumping iron and being healthy. He's smooth, almost too smooth- but he doesn't seem the type to play games. And GENTLE- man.. it's hard to believe that a guy with bulky muscles like that could be so gentle and so attentive to a woman. Though I felt a little self-conscious of my body being around him, he never looked at me like I was unhealthy, overweight and out of shape. He made me feel good.

I don't even really know. I hope he doesn't turn out to be a douche. Cause that's all I seem to be running into these days.

SURPRISE!

I'm sitting at Online Coffee, blogging and mentally preparing to work [I thought I was scheduled to work, but I wasn't. COOL!] and I look up and guess who is staring at me in all his sweaty glory?

MY TRAINER GUY!

He was dripping in sweat and breathing hard from his run. [oh wow! be still my heart!] He purposely ran by the shop to see me!!! Sooooo, I hopped up from my computer and got him some water and we went outside.

I think we're both so attracted to each other it's a tad bit awkward when we see each other initially. We were two giggling fools as we listened to this artist he was jamming to. She's a cross between MIA and The YeahYeahYeahs. Really good. I can't remember her name, but you'd love it! Anyway. After a few minutes I moved from sitting beside him to standing in between his legs and he pulled me close and all I wanted to do was kiss him, but I held back. He traced a line of where he wanted to kiss me [from my ear to my jaw to my neck and down my left arm]. I massaged his back and his shoulders and finally couldn't stand it anymore and just kissed him. After a few seconds he pulled back and turned me around so my back was to him and he just held me there. He tends to giggle nervously when he's around me...I don't know why. I'm not scary, but he did admit to being a shy nerd for the better part of his life, so I guess it makes sense.

He awkwardly asked me over for dinner. That was cute. The convo went like this:
Him: "What do you like to eat? I mean, besides McDonalds"
Me: "I don't only eat McDonalds! I'm not picky. As long as it tastes good."
Him: "What are your plans?"
Me: "I have nothing. Just work. That's it for me."
Him: "Yea. I get off at 8:30 and *pause* I'm sure I'll be hungry, soooo."
Me: "Same here. You wanna get some food?"
Him: "Yea. I have to go by the grocery store."
Me: "Are you gonna cook for me?"
Him: "Yea, sure."
Me: "Something delicious and nutritious and all that good stuff?"
Him: "Yea..something tasty."
Me: "Alright, sweet."


lol...sweet, cute, and awkward- right?

Finally after saying it a million times and then ignoring it by kissing and hugging some more, he had to get back to work. And I realized I have the day off. I could go to the gym, but I'd have to go all the way home first to get gym clothes and I'd DEFINITELY run into him, which I'm not sure I want to do yet. Hmm. Could be awkward. I could sit here on the computer all day, but my elbow is DYING from the pain. I could go home and take a nap, but I'm not entirely sure I want to do that either. Hmm..I'm just all kinds of unsure today.

Oh well. I DO have a date tonight though. Good times.

So I Met A Guy Today...

In actuality, I didn't JUST meet him. He's my "personal trainer" at 24 hour fitness. I put quotations around it because he's not TECHNICALLY my trainer. When I signed up initially, I added on private training sessions but after realizing how expensive it is and how I'm constantly having financial trouble, this was one spontaneous decision I just couldn't justify so I cancelled it. He was a little disappointed, but not because he knew who I was---he just lost a client. Well, he approached me last week to join in some fitness competition that all the trainers are doing. Some kind of biggest loser type competition. He wanted me on his team, so I said sure. It was free personal training sessions--why not?

Well, over the last few days him and I have corresponded via the gym and via text message once I gave him my phone number. [Funny story there- I walked into work after skipping out on a promise to see him at the gym regarding the competition carrying a big bag of mcdonalds! Talk about embarrassing! So after talking a little bit, I gave him my phone number so we could talk more about the comp.] It's obviously moving forward, right? Our chats have slowly moved away from all about fitness and nutrition to our personal lives and our growing interest in each other.

Today we made plans to hang out. The weather was AB-SO-LUTE-LY beautiful, right?! Of course we wanted to spend it outdoors. So after church, I went to work and dropped off my things and met up with him at Cal Anderson on Capitol Hill. I love that park. When I resided on the hill, I brought the dogs there a few times and walked ar ound with Reshard a few as well. It's just a great, easy-going place. Anyway- I was sitting on a cement wall when he walked up. [He was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. Yea, he rides a motorcycle. He's hardcore. I mean, the man spells his name Jef with ONE F...crazy hardcore badass, in my opinion!]

We headed over to Emerald City Smoothie because I was craving a Berry Berry sooo badly. He was dying of starvation so we went to Ali Babba for a gyro. [I suggested Gyro World- as their gyros are OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD!] He offered to buy mine, but I said I'd pay for it. In hindsight- I wonder if I should've let him. I could ALWAYS save my money, no problem. I don't know, I wasn't sure if it was a "date" so I think I wanted to keep it on the "friend" tip until I was absolutely positive. *shrugs* In any case, we had a great time. In fact, I had an AMAZING time.

He's hilarious! We have a lot in common. We both come from large, complicated families and grew up in little "perfect" towns. [Though his description of his town was eerily perfect, whereas mine is just typical suburbia] We talked about what he's done up to this point and how he got into personal training [interesting story, mind you] and how being a music student is and all that good stuff. We asked each other what we preferred in the opposite sex and he had THE BEST answer I've ever heard. It's funny, I'm so self-conscious about my body with him simply because he knows all those inky little details you don't really want anyone [especially a boy] to know- but the fact that he's incredibly supportive and appreciative of everything on a woman regardless of size....it definitely helps.

As you can tell, there's chemistry. We get along so well. So you know there is a sexual attraction. It's intense, downright scary even. We were cuddling on the bench and the tension was so thick you could've cut it in half. I was so sure we were going to kiss, but he didn't make a move. He would pull me close and hold me and massage my shoulders, then rest his head on top my mine that was resting on his shoulder, then he'd kiss the top of my head and run his fingers through my hair. I'd glance up at him and he would look down at me, but he never moved in. We were SO-CLOSE! *sigh*

Well, time just kept passing by and I had to get to work so he offered a ride on his motorcycle. [We were two blocks away so I didn't mind walking. That and I'm TERRIFIED of motorcycles. Not too scared, but scared enough to think twice, three times, and even four times before getting on one.] I said sure so he fitted the helmet on me and we took off to my coffee shop. While there, we stood in a corner and tried to distract ourselves from how riled up we both were by chatting about absolutely nothing. Then at one point, he pulled me flush up against him and my heartrate skyrocketed!

Finally I got so fed up with him not kissing me, I leaned up and laid one right on him. He lost it after that. He pulled me so close and we had a pretty hot makeout sesh right then and there IN-MY-WORK! lol. It was great. He's a great kisser, by the way.

I can't even focus on anything when he's around. He's sweeping me off my feet for sure. He's not like the typical guys I run into- he's completely and totally single. No girlfriend, wife, potential girl, hook-up, or babymama..none of that drama. In fact, I pointed out this girl who was carrying hula hoops at the park and he was like, "oh yeah, I dated her. She's pretty dumb. I don't want her to see me." So I offered to stop snuggling with him in case she did recognize him and he was like, "No. It's not even a problem." and pulled me closer.

All I know is that I'm MORE than interested. I'm definitely wanting to see where this could go. He doesn't seem to be apprehensive about us hanging out together and he doesn't have a problem with affection. Could this be my chance for a happy ending? Well not, ending-as in marriage.. that's a little much. But you know what I mean.

hmm. interesting.

Pleading.

How do I respond? How shall I proceed?

I feel as if I'm walking on eggshells lately. Anyone that knows me can attest to the fact that eggshells underneath my barefeet is no good thing for anyone involved. I get all tongue-tied and I tend to get extremely emotional and I say what's on my mind which is the exact opposite of how one should react standing on top of crushed eggs. I've never been good at the whole speaking thing. Words get jumbled up and I'm hardly ever grammatically correct. *big ole' overdramatic sigh*

I can't help but take it personally when you say you don't want me to do anything or get you anything really nice because you know I don't have a lot of money. Obviously, it's something I want to do for you. You mean something to me. You should be basking in that fact.

Yes, you're right- you HAVEN'T been that good to me lately. You have treated me poorly, but I know why you're acting this way and I understand. If anything, out of anyone- I know how you feel. I've been where you are..well, not exactly, but you know what I mean, right?

Just give me your hand, give me your heart. Let me in. I promise, it won't hurt. Just trust me like you asked me to trust you.

One Fine Wire.

I remember the time my balance was fine and I was just walking one fine wire, but it's frayed at both ends and I'm slow unraveling.
It's one of those days. You know the one where you are out of your body for the better part of it. It seems like nothing can make it all better. Just listening to certain songs brings me to tears. I laid in bed long after sleep was necessary. I stared at the clock and thought about all I wanted to get accomplished for the day. I thought about the one thing I wanted to do more than anything else, all the while, knowing it wasn't going to happen. I'm pretty good about knowing one's response before I even ask the question, but I still hold out for the possibility...just a chance that maybe..hopefully.
I'm discontent with one area of my life, which is slowly spilling into other areas of my life. I'm looking for a tailor made life. One that is specially made for yours truly. I want it to fit. Imagine- your favorite jeans, that amazing top, those perfect pair of shoes...you know the ones that bring out the best in your physical appearance and therefore make your mental and pyschological and emotional state that much better. That's what I want.
I just want to feel better. I want to be content and satisfied. I want to stop depending on others for my own happiness. I want Kiranda to be okay with just being Kiranda, nothing more and nothing less. I don't want to define myself as something I can't always be. I want to define myself knowing that regardless of where I'm at, who I'm with, what I'm doing I will always be THAT definition.
Let's just hope that I can balance on this wire before it completely unravels beneath me.

TwentyOne.

First off, I'd like to say a big, loud, thunderous, EXTREME 'THANKS' to everyone who called, texted, messaged, and helped celebrate my birthday yesterday!!

In true-to-life fashion, my birthday started off on the wrong foot with waking up later than I had anticipated, foggy weather, my hair falling flat from running to the bus, and then not being able to make correct foam at work, requiring extra espresso training.But it quickly turned better. Once I put on my crown and sippedsome coffee, everything was coming up roses!

My friends are the greatest, without a doubt. They made sure my night was PERFECTION TO THE FULLEST! [EXTREME PERFECTION!].We went shoe shopping, made a liquor stop, bought chips/salsa/and other pre-funking essentials and went to Maggie's to get ready. Then we went to Chez Gaudy [omg! this place is HIGHLY recommended by yours truly. go there go there! just avoid the $200+ bill at the end of the night..we didn't.] After there we went to The Crescent and stopped the show with our Karaoke rendition of "Signed, Sealed, Delivered."

man. it felt good.

It STILL feels good. I finally feel like I'm in my element, like I'm included. I've reached the age where I am accepted REGARDLESS. YKWIM? lol..it may sound stupid and cheesy, but it sucks to not be allowed to hang out with your friends simply because your parents got it on too late. lol

so ANYWAY- i'm going to meet up with the girls. we're Deluxin' it tonight. Count on us to undo our kick-ass workout with the trip to deluxe on broadway.

well. that's it for now. i'm loving it. and you should too.

lub. [xoXo]

Silver Lining...*edit*

Some great, God-fearing citizen found my phone on the bus and has been trying to get it back to me.

I called and he is willing to bring it to the bus stop to give to my friend, who has ALSO been gracious enough to accept the phone for me.

Thank the Lord.

:D

2063937720
2063318805


*rewind & edit*
I guess someone found my phone on the bus. They even live a few blocks away from me. How sweet is that? Well it'd be fucking AWESOME if they weren't being douchebags. Yea-I called and they were willing to meet my friend at the bus stop near the 7Eleven (and their house) to give him my phone. But then once I called back to say he wouldn't be back near there until 10pm, they changed their tune and are giving me the run-around. They won't let me come pick it up tonight, despite the fact that I will walk RIGHT BY their house on my way home (assuming I can get out of here in time to run downtown to catch a bus.) They are NOW making me meet them at the 7Eleven at 6am (WTF?!) and they keep telling me to call them in the morning. EXCUSE ME MOTHERFUCKERS-FROM WHAT MOTHERFUCKIN PHONE JERKOFFS!?!

I'm pissed. The numbers posted up above are there personal numbers. Feel free to call and harrass them, by all means. They are pissing me off! I'm so sick of this town and the pieces of shit that live here!

A Day In The Life of A Fool...

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Today started off on a wonky note. [my new word obsession is with the "word" wonky. ] I woke up feeling too tired and too irritable to acknowledge that it was time for me to wake up and get ready for the day so I reset my alarm clock to get an extra fifteen minutes of sleep. I think it might've had something to do with the fact that I had a pretty steamy dream about "Mister Baby Blue". Fifteen minutes later, the blaring dragged me out of sleep again and I hopped in the shower determined to shake the tired "fog" and get a good start on the day.

I made it to work with 30 minutes to spare. I only got lost for a few milliseconds [so, in retrospect, it doesn't count.] I chatted up the baristas on duty [one was my good friend Kelly] and then I mentally prepared myself for training. Training went well. My only issue, it seems, is that I make my milk too foamy. I've made coffee at four different coffee/espresso locations that have four different ways they want their milk...so as you can tell I have a bad habit to break. Of course, it's nothing I can't handle. I'm just so used to being on top of my coffee game.

I left work and met up with Lauren to sweat it out at the gym. That was fun. Oh yea, before working on our fitness, I got a call from my dad and we hashed out the details of getting my car fixed. Of course, I was on the verge of shedding a few tears because I "can't do anything right." But I couldn't just break down, so I sniffed all my sadness back up and moved on with the day.

Around 4pm, I finally called AAA to get my car towed to a tire place to get them fixed so I could drive it. Keep in mind, my driving my car is ESSENTIAL to today simply because I don't get out of my second training session until 12:30am and the last bus going my direction leaves at 12:50am from a good 20 BLOCKS AWAY!!! Long story shortened up for your reading pleasure, I couldn't get my car fixed. On the UPSIDE- it can be fixed tomorrow. The problem is that the company doesn't have my tire at their location, but is willing to get another one tomorrow morning and fix my car for me.

Well after the hectic drive with the tow guy (who, coincidentally might be interested in buying my Escalade for $7500) I was in near tears, fretting about getting back to the 'hill and getting home for the night. I called my good friend who works for Metro and he said he could give me a ride back to the hill. But as I was talking to the guy at Goodyear and telling him my problems [again, oversharing is a trait I inherited from the mommers], he offered to drive me back to work. [of course, it just so happens that he was giving me "that look". you know the one where he is DYING to ask for my number but wants to get it the "heroic" way by saving me..he WAS cute.] so I said sure. But then I felt kinda bad, so I told him I had a ride already, but thanks anyway. He said he'd call me tomorrow morning to discuss plans for the car .

So I trekked it over to Holgate Rd and BusWay to catch the bus with my friend. I waited a good 45 minutes [clearly 30 minutes MORE than he had quoted me when he told me he was leaving the bus terminal]. We rode to his last stop and I sat with him on his break while he rehashed the football season with some random guy who I guess used to play in the league. Needless to say, I was a bit miffed. I mean, I turned down a ride with a cutie so I could listen to you guys talk?! THANKS, BUT NO THANKS! At this point, I'm more than a bit miffed. I have 2 hours until I have to be at work and he tells me he's going to drop me off at 3rd/Pine. 3RD AND PINE-WHAT?! With all the crazy, homeless, dirty people who rattle off at the mouth just BECAUSE they're fucking psycho? WHAT THE FUCK?! ['scuze the french] We go back and forth a bit, mostly it was just me complaining and then he shows me where to go to catch a bus that will drop me off right in front of my job.

I get off and cross the street and as I'm walking to the stop I'm looking for my phone. Digging in the purse.......checking my pockets...more purse digging....digging more frantically....checking all pockets on my person...purse....shit...shit...fuck...you've GOT to be kidding me..c'mon now..where the hell is my phone...oh God....oh God...please...no.....





I have no idea where my phone is.



[sick, pitiful drop in stomach.]




I get on the #10 bus up to Capitol Hill. I'm sharing the bus ride with a million people. The bus LITERALLY cannot fit anymore people on it. And wouldn't you know it, one of the bus riders is some creepy,dirty, homeless guy who will NOT shut up. He even had the balls to assault two other passengers pre-boarding the bus [although the assault was minimal...it was still assault nonetheless] Yea, I was sharing the ride with one of those people that prevent me from frequenting 3rd and Pike unless by car.

I get off and get to work. This is where I'm at now. Freaking the FUCK out and cellphone-less. I've called my friend, but he's at work and doesn't recognize the number so he won't answer. He probably won't get the message until it's almost too late. He won't even be in Seattle until 9pm.


Oh, and did I mention---I STILL don't have a ride home after I get off work. Looks like I'll be homeless for a few hours...

Life is Beautifully Messy

For the first time, my scripted plan for my life isn't in effect. I never planned on not doing the things that I had planned, it just sort of happened that way. My education [the one thing I can/could always rely on] is being put on hold. Honestly, it felt like a blow to the stomach when the man delivered the news to me on being withdrawn from the school [fyi: he somehow "forgot" to give me the news when it had actually happened. he told my step-dad and both of them failed to inform me. cowards...] But in true "Kiranda-fashion", I sucked it up and filled out the Leave of Absence forms that they recommended so I wouldn't have to re-apply and re-audition for the school. [It's out with the jury on whether or not I will actually return next year. Plans for a moving venture are in talks...] Then I put off thinking about it for the rest of the weekend.

Today is Tuesday. I woke up yesterday morning slightly panicked. My bank account is slowly but surely getting lower. My funds are depleting. I've never been good with money, but then again- I've always had a paycheck in the wings. I sent out a few resumes and prayed for the best. My great friend, Kelly Ash gave my resume to her boss yesterday. In all honesty, I didn't think it would come through. But I threw up a prayer this morning and....

I'm now working at Online Coffee Company. [ps.- the same company Kelly works for!] It was truly a blessing! I was on the bus coming into town to go to two different interviews and Ken gave me a call just before we went underground in the tunnel. He asked me to come down today for an interview. I hopped off the bus just in time and trekked it down to their downtown location. He literally hired me on the spot. [Keep in mind- I was wearing jeans to this interview! LOL] I start tomorrow. I'm so excited. I owe Kelly A LOT!!

Friend-wise: I have the most amazing group of friends. They're very eclectic and we're all very different, yet somehow we maintain being the best of friends. It sucks during the summers when we're all spread apart and we have our own things going on [Maggie in Bvue, Lauren back and forth between Sea-town and PT, Susan and Jason being adorably cheesy and in love, and there's my football obsession! lol] But we always seem to pick up right where we left off. We tend to get together over food [they don't call us CFK -Closet Fat Kids- for nothing!] and do the updates and then it's right back to our everyday shenanigans. Then there's my NWFL/NAFL [semi-pro football] friends like Nani, Karissa, Claire, Poe, The Hit Squad, Hunt, Humble, BLew,etc. Some of them are new, but you'd never know it! We all get along so well.

Self-wise: I've been hitting the gym on a more regular basis nowadays. Of course, it helps when Lauren is there with me. Her and I both go. Susan is joining in our efforts and Maggie will be signing up shortly. It's been so nice seeing my body change and resculpt itself. My body responds very well to regular gym workouts so I'm seeing change already. My abs are tightening up and all of my jeans are now big enough to slide on and off without unbuttoning/unzipping them! Of course, it helps when there is an amazingly gorgeous guy at the gym [who is interested in you] always watching. lol.

Love-wise: Ahh let's talk about complicated. lol. My love life is "Great". This means it has its good days and it has its HORRIBLE days. Most days I feel loved and appreciated and adored, but then there are those few unfortunate days [few and far in between, mind you] where I feel like I'll always be alone and I only meet the wrong guys. Technically, I do not have a boyfriend. I am still as single as ever [with many prospects, if I so choose to go that route]. I am, however, seeing someone on a semi-serious basis. Serious only in that we are exclusive with each other. Though, the g-word was tossed around the other day. Hmmm...it causes me to ponder.


All in all, I'm in a good place. Things are looking up and I'm not quite as stressed as I tend to get when things don't go my way. God has a way of showing you who is God and let's just say, I'm listening.

Introducing Yours Truly...

I'm a simple girl. I don't like my life getting too complicated. I enjoy the sun and the beach. I feel most comfortable in sundress with barefeet. I spend most of my day in a tanktop and underwear.

I'm your resident songbird. I would love to sing you a song- love songs are a favorite of mine.

I'm Kiranda. I'm pretty new to blogger/blogspot [whatever you want to call it I suppose]. I'm an a vid journaler/blogger. I thoroughly enjoy documenting my life for my own enjoyment and for the enjoyment of others. If others are interested in the life I lead, then GREAT!! I welcome most [those who aren't welcome are the ones who take the time to attempt to cause harm to me through harsh words/actions. those people- please leave now.]

I've never been a private person. I credit this to my mother. On many occasions, I'd roll my eyes and tap my foot in anticipation of leaving the grocery store [the bank, wherever we were at the moment]. My mother talked entirely too much and to too many different people. She rarely met a stranger. In all honesty, I didn't see a problem with it until my stepfather started whining [loudly] about it.Short story made ridiculously, unnecessarily long---I've inherited the gift of gab and the insatiable need to share my life with others from my mother.While I consider it a blessing to be so open and so willing to share with others, it's also becoming a curse.

I'm finding that a lot of people take that "gift" of mine and use it for evil. They take my words and twist them around, they formulate their own perception of me, and in some awful cases, they keep up to date files in order to say and do mean things to me. In the last few months, I've encountered some individuals who take joy in trying to hurt me with their words. It's been tough to deal with not because it's a new phenomenon. I'm used to dealing with adversity. The tough part has been not opening my mouth and saying what I want to say. Turning the other cheek, if you will.

All of this is a round about way to say that I need a new place. Somewhere more private, less exposed. I need to vent. I need to talk. I need to hash things out. The only way I can do that is to write it out. I don't write very much by hand because I've developed a nasty case of carpal tunnel and I can type the words as I think them. I also want to see my growth. In other journals, I can literally see my maturity take shape with each passing entry.

It's amazing. 2008 has been a very positive year for me. I've had numerous blessings. I couldn't ask for more. Well, that's not true. I could ask for more. But I refuse to do so because I know that I am blessed in more ways than I can ever really acknowledge.