One Fine Wire.

I remember the time my balance was fine and I was just walking one fine wire, but it's frayed at both ends and I'm slow unraveling.
It's one of those days. You know the one where you are out of your body for the better part of it. It seems like nothing can make it all better. Just listening to certain songs brings me to tears. I laid in bed long after sleep was necessary. I stared at the clock and thought about all I wanted to get accomplished for the day. I thought about the one thing I wanted to do more than anything else, all the while, knowing it wasn't going to happen. I'm pretty good about knowing one's response before I even ask the question, but I still hold out for the possibility...just a chance that maybe..hopefully.
I'm discontent with one area of my life, which is slowly spilling into other areas of my life. I'm looking for a tailor made life. One that is specially made for yours truly. I want it to fit. Imagine- your favorite jeans, that amazing top, those perfect pair of shoes...you know the ones that bring out the best in your physical appearance and therefore make your mental and pyschological and emotional state that much better. That's what I want.
I just want to feel better. I want to be content and satisfied. I want to stop depending on others for my own happiness. I want Kiranda to be okay with just being Kiranda, nothing more and nothing less. I don't want to define myself as something I can't always be. I want to define myself knowing that regardless of where I'm at, who I'm with, what I'm doing I will always be THAT definition.
Let's just hope that I can balance on this wire before it completely unravels beneath me.