So I'm kinda proud of myself. I'm definitely giving myself a few props because I had the courage to tell him how he made me feel the other day. How he was a "Debby Downer" and it was totally toxic and contagious.
I had a good chat with Lauren yesterday and I told her about the thrice-torn parts of me. 1) "I deserve better, fuck you." 2) "Love me, love me, love me." and 3) "One day he'll open his eyes" And how I'm scared that if I make a choice and run with it, I'll eventually develop buyers remorse. I'm just worried that if I take door #1, I'll feel like, "maybe I should've held out a little longer". And with door #2, "I wish I hadn't been so dramatic and needy". And of course #3, wondering if I should've let go sooner somewhere down the road. It's all really confusing and since the outcome is unknown.
I just want things to be back the way they were. I know I say this all the time and all the complaining gets a bit old, but that's where I'm at right now. A friend of mine asked me how things were romantically and I told him that it's not going too well simply because of the whole boy situation, but that I'm going to use it. I really intend on doing that. My music can only get better because I'm writing from experience and when I sing those songs I'll be able to bring more to it, ykwim?
*SIGH* That's all I can say for now.
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