The stresscase is gone!
Well, more like subdued. lol. I have found a place to live. Very charming..in West Seattle. I'll be rooming with 5 other people, pending they find someone to rent the upstairs, smaller room. I, of course, took the bigger one downstairs. I get a larger bathroom that I only have to share with one other person and a larger bedroom which means ...well, more room of course. So far, there are two girls and three guys. They're hoping to get another female in so that they can maintain and equal balance of sexes. I'm fine either way. The guys I met tonight seem pretty wicked so no issues there and I haven't met the girl, but I hear she's pretty awesome too!
There's also three large dogs [so cute!!] living there now and they've all taken to Princess really well. Zoe is 3 years old and still acts like a puppy. I bet it's more of a lack of training/consistency on her owners part so she's really hyper. Princess loves it, well sorta. Zoe likes to jump and chase right away, whereas Princess wants to sniff your butt before she plays with you. lol. In any case, all the dogs get along really well and BONUS!- there's Seattle's largest dog park as well as a few other fields to take Princess on walks. I love all the space.
Hopefully, he can get the room cleared out by noon tomorrow. If not, Monday is the moving date!
All I can say is....
HECKYES.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Oh Woah...
Things have been WORLD'S BETTER since I decided to stop worrying about Mr. Right- whomever he will be. Really! I'm surprised. Really, the "aha-moment" came from reading my horoscope from The Stranger. [I know, right?] Basically, it told me to stop worrying and just enjoy all of the attention. And enjoy, friends, is what I plan on doing.
I wish I could say that everything else has been great. Sadly, I'm moving once again. It's all a complicated thing that I don't want everyone to be able to read so I privately posted it on my myspace. If you're a friend, you know. If not, *shrugs* too bad, so sad. The upside [kinda], I'll have a roommate or roomies. That's pretty cool, right?! I hope so. I've lived on my own since I moved out here so I'm a little nervous, but yea.
What else, what else?!
I'm pretty sure I'll be able to go home for a few days after Christmas. That's fun. I can't wait. I miss my fam [a little- lol.] and my little cuzzos. Yea...AND OF COURSE MIS AMIGOS! The Cru needs a reunion like WOAH.
omgah- it's so cold in this coffee shop. Part of me wants to go home, but I don't want to be bored. lol. SAD.
Welp- peez. 4 now.
I wish I could say that everything else has been great. Sadly, I'm moving once again. It's all a complicated thing that I don't want everyone to be able to read so I privately posted it on my myspace. If you're a friend, you know. If not, *shrugs* too bad, so sad. The upside [kinda], I'll have a roommate or roomies. That's pretty cool, right?! I hope so. I've lived on my own since I moved out here so I'm a little nervous, but yea.
What else, what else?!
I'm pretty sure I'll be able to go home for a few days after Christmas. That's fun. I can't wait. I miss my fam [a little- lol.] and my little cuzzos. Yea...AND OF COURSE MIS AMIGOS! The Cru needs a reunion like WOAH.
omgah- it's so cold in this coffee shop. Part of me wants to go home, but I don't want to be bored. lol. SAD.
Welp- peez. 4 now.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
TwentyOne, Single, and Fed Up!
It's pretty tough to hear the truth, especially if you've been purposely ignoring that voice in your head that's telling you exactly that.
Well, it's no surprise- I got stood up yet again. We had set a "go-out-for drinks date" [whatever] for tonight. And really, part of me just knew it wasn't going to happen, but you never know... Well I rushed home after work to shower and prep to attend a recital and then go get drinks afterwards and I get a text as I'm drying off. No, correction, I get THREE texts...explaining in short detail why he can't come out tonight prefacing it all with, "You're gonna hate me..."
Truth is, I don't hate him. I don't hate anyone. I can't find it within myself to truly hate someone. What I can't stand is the fact that for three weeks now, we've tried nailing down a set date and something always comes up. Yes, I'd love to give him the benefit of the doubt but DAMN! How much could one person have to deal with?!
Lauren thinks I'm just being a doormat. She told me that under any other circumstances, if I already knew him better than I do now, I would've let into him about it. I don't deserve it, I am better than all of that- this is true. But the truth of the matter is- I'm afraid of coming off too bitchy and high maintenance if I stand my ground.
I know. I know what you're thinking- sacrifice yourself just to look good in his eyes. Well, yea..as stupid as it sounds. I mean, he already knows that I'm accomodating and patient..if he doesn't-he's blind and stupid. I'm just afraid that me explaining how frustrated I am will only make him think I'm needy and high maintenance. And let's not forget- he just MAY be telling the truth. He may be as busy as he says he is. So if he IS telling the truth, I'm a bitch for not understanding.
[But can I just point out that he HAS made time to go to the movies with his boys and to sit with his roommate when she was having dramarama issues....so there.]
The problem is that I am allowing him to treat me without any kind of common courtesy. I have a lot going on as well and I have, on numerous occasions, rearranged my schedule in order to accomodate his, only to be cancelled on. I get a "sorry", but that doesn't make up for the fact that my time and plans have now been changed on account trying to "get to know you better."
Yes, I am better than this. Yes, I want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him and ask him who the hell he thinks he is. I'm Kiranda. I don't get cancelled on or stood up. This doesn't happen to me. I'm above such nonsense. Who the hell are you?But underneath that confidence, that tough girl facade [yes, you didn't know there was a real me?] I feel just like everyone else. I'm tired of showering, dressing up, putting on makeup, agonizing over stupid details just to be told, "not tonight. sorry. my bad." And really- it's not even about HIM. It's about the bigger picture.
It's about the fact that I haven't been single since before I was 15. I have had someone there pretty much for 6 years. The time when I should've been figuring out who the hell I was, I was being someone's girlfriend. And that's how I identified myself. Yes, in the past year I have learned a lot about myself- this fact cannot be denied. It's all fine and dandy. But enough with the self discovery- I want to feel better about this whole thing.
I've been realizing that it's not WHEN I get married..it's IF. IF I can find someone who is worthy enough and who thinks I'm worthy enough. I see people everyday that have never been married before- or even close enough to count for that matter. That is a scary thing. I'm loving, caring, gentle, nurturing and an all around good person- so why am I not good enough for anyone? [Or maybe the question is- why isn't anyone good enough for me?]
This is what I DO know- I'm tired of trying to find Mr. Right in every man I meet. I want to focus and buckle down and stop searching. I have to trust that he'll find me, that God will send him in my direction. When- Who knows? Where- I'm not totally sure. I just hope I don't go insane waiting around for him.
Well, it's no surprise- I got stood up yet again. We had set a "go-out-for drinks date" [whatever] for tonight. And really, part of me just knew it wasn't going to happen, but you never know... Well I rushed home after work to shower and prep to attend a recital and then go get drinks afterwards and I get a text as I'm drying off. No, correction, I get THREE texts...explaining in short detail why he can't come out tonight prefacing it all with, "You're gonna hate me..."
Truth is, I don't hate him. I don't hate anyone. I can't find it within myself to truly hate someone. What I can't stand is the fact that for three weeks now, we've tried nailing down a set date and something always comes up. Yes, I'd love to give him the benefit of the doubt but DAMN! How much could one person have to deal with?!
Lauren thinks I'm just being a doormat. She told me that under any other circumstances, if I already knew him better than I do now, I would've let into him about it. I don't deserve it, I am better than all of that- this is true. But the truth of the matter is- I'm afraid of coming off too bitchy and high maintenance if I stand my ground.
I know. I know what you're thinking- sacrifice yourself just to look good in his eyes. Well, yea..as stupid as it sounds. I mean, he already knows that I'm accomodating and patient..if he doesn't-he's blind and stupid. I'm just afraid that me explaining how frustrated I am will only make him think I'm needy and high maintenance. And let's not forget- he just MAY be telling the truth. He may be as busy as he says he is. So if he IS telling the truth, I'm a bitch for not understanding.
[But can I just point out that he HAS made time to go to the movies with his boys and to sit with his roommate when she was having dramarama issues....so there.]
The problem is that I am allowing him to treat me without any kind of common courtesy. I have a lot going on as well and I have, on numerous occasions, rearranged my schedule in order to accomodate his, only to be cancelled on. I get a "sorry", but that doesn't make up for the fact that my time and plans have now been changed on account trying to "get to know you better."
Yes, I am better than this. Yes, I want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him and ask him who the hell he thinks he is. I'm Kiranda. I don't get cancelled on or stood up. This doesn't happen to me. I'm above such nonsense. Who the hell are you?But underneath that confidence, that tough girl facade [yes, you didn't know there was a real me?] I feel just like everyone else. I'm tired of showering, dressing up, putting on makeup, agonizing over stupid details just to be told, "not tonight. sorry. my bad." And really- it's not even about HIM. It's about the bigger picture.
It's about the fact that I haven't been single since before I was 15. I have had someone there pretty much for 6 years. The time when I should've been figuring out who the hell I was, I was being someone's girlfriend. And that's how I identified myself. Yes, in the past year I have learned a lot about myself- this fact cannot be denied. It's all fine and dandy. But enough with the self discovery- I want to feel better about this whole thing.
I've been realizing that it's not WHEN I get married..it's IF. IF I can find someone who is worthy enough and who thinks I'm worthy enough. I see people everyday that have never been married before- or even close enough to count for that matter. That is a scary thing. I'm loving, caring, gentle, nurturing and an all around good person- so why am I not good enough for anyone? [Or maybe the question is- why isn't anyone good enough for me?]
This is what I DO know- I'm tired of trying to find Mr. Right in every man I meet. I want to focus and buckle down and stop searching. I have to trust that he'll find me, that God will send him in my direction. When- Who knows? Where- I'm not totally sure. I just hope I don't go insane waiting around for him.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Love is for Losers.
Why didn't anyone tell me that this love thing wasn't easy?
I feel so let down and so unsure of my next move. I've been trying to get into contact with him for days now. He never answers the phone. Then he tells me [when we actually DO talk] that he's in love with me and he's never stopped and all that other bullshit, nonsense, mumbo-jumbo.
I've given up hope that I'll meet a new guy that will be my one and only forever. I'm pretty sure I've already met him and he's right in front of me and I just need to open my eyes to see him. I want it to be him. It would be really nice, not gonna lie.
But how can you have a relationship when you never even talk?
I feel so let down and so unsure of my next move. I've been trying to get into contact with him for days now. He never answers the phone. Then he tells me [when we actually DO talk] that he's in love with me and he's never stopped and all that other bullshit, nonsense, mumbo-jumbo.
I've given up hope that I'll meet a new guy that will be my one and only forever. I'm pretty sure I've already met him and he's right in front of me and I just need to open my eyes to see him. I want it to be him. It would be really nice, not gonna lie.
But how can you have a relationship when you never even talk?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Beautiful Day.
beautiful day.
feeling not so beautiful.
groggy actually. streeeeeeeeeeeeeetch.
yawwwwwwwwn.
hello puppy. i lub you. kiss kiss your face.
get up get movin get goin.
i feel the tension growing as i get closer.
ruin not my beautiful day.
lots of possibilities. lots of opportunities.
chances.
it's a beautiful day.
music music music.
through the channels of my brain.
pick a station, change the dial. find the song.
sing.
it's a beautiful day.
feeling not so beautiful.
groggy actually. streeeeeeeeeeeeeetch.
yawwwwwwwwn.
hello puppy. i lub you. kiss kiss your face.
get up get movin get goin.
i feel the tension growing as i get closer.
ruin not my beautiful day.
lots of possibilities. lots of opportunities.
chances.
it's a beautiful day.
music music music.
through the channels of my brain.
pick a station, change the dial. find the song.
sing.
it's a beautiful day.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
It's A Classic Tale
Honestly, my life couldn't be more "typical story book" or "overdone plot in a movie" right now. I really feel like that girl in all of the movies, maybe in your high school, that was "that one girl." Oh you know the one- she's pretty, talented, smart, has lots of friends [some closer than others, but mostly everyone is in the trusted inner circle-or at least thinks they are]. She has a cool family, tells really captivating stories, can make you feel warm and accepted with just a simple smile, has an infectious laugh that even when sitting across the room you want to join in on whatever it is that she's laughing about because you want to be a part of her life. She's really good at everything and even if she's not good at something [which, almost NEVER happens] she's humble enough to admit her lack of knowledge, making you love her even more.
Men stare at her in awe of her physical beauty. Women either stare of glare at her inner beauty that radiates outward. Children love her innocence and trust her guidance and wisdom. Older folks love her maturity level and her easy-going nature. You just can't help but love her on some small level. She makes you feel good when she talks to you. She has the uncanny ability to make your entire day better just with a simple, "hello, how ya doin?". She's near perfect, but never quite reaching perfection.
Women and men all around automatically assume she's in a fantastic relationships with someone of good caliber. Like a future doctor, lawyer, or even a minister. She's too perfect to not have someone waiting for her every night. He treats her with kindness and respect and loves her unconditionally. There's no question there's a lucky man in her life.
Sad story, my friends, is that this girl- doesn't have this charmed love that seems so "natural" or "duuuuuh-OF COURSE!". No- there has yet to be a man who is worth her. Or maybe she's not worth him. Women and men automatically assume I have a boyfriend. For women, it's the kind heart and the nurturing ways. For men, it's the body, the sex appeal, the looks. Either way- isn't it just wrong to be single?! This is their thought.
Yes. I am single. I am this girl. I have everything a man could want and need, yet no one has come along who thinks I'm worth the time and effort. I'm not high maintenance or needy or insecure [not anymore anyway.] Yet...no one.
This is the sad, sad tale of Kiranda.
Men stare at her in awe of her physical beauty. Women either stare of glare at her inner beauty that radiates outward. Children love her innocence and trust her guidance and wisdom. Older folks love her maturity level and her easy-going nature. You just can't help but love her on some small level. She makes you feel good when she talks to you. She has the uncanny ability to make your entire day better just with a simple, "hello, how ya doin?". She's near perfect, but never quite reaching perfection.
Women and men all around automatically assume she's in a fantastic relationships with someone of good caliber. Like a future doctor, lawyer, or even a minister. She's too perfect to not have someone waiting for her every night. He treats her with kindness and respect and loves her unconditionally. There's no question there's a lucky man in her life.
Sad story, my friends, is that this girl- doesn't have this charmed love that seems so "natural" or "duuuuuh-OF COURSE!". No- there has yet to be a man who is worth her. Or maybe she's not worth him. Women and men automatically assume I have a boyfriend. For women, it's the kind heart and the nurturing ways. For men, it's the body, the sex appeal, the looks. Either way- isn't it just wrong to be single?! This is their thought.
Yes. I am single. I am this girl. I have everything a man could want and need, yet no one has come along who thinks I'm worth the time and effort. I'm not high maintenance or needy or insecure [not anymore anyway.] Yet...no one.
This is the sad, sad tale of Kiranda.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
